Angel's Night
by Cypher
Summary: SHONNEN AI! It's a KaworuxShinji I submitted to a contest. Since I lost, I can post it here. Does contain spoilers for end of series. Please R&R. Enjoy!


Angel's Night

By Cypher

            I recline in bed, staring at the gray ceiling.  I had insisted you come up from the floor, so you did.  You curled up to me, hugged me, and fell asleep.  I cannot fall asleep.  I gaze at your face and wonder why I must be put through this hell, this anguish.  

            I brush your brown bangs away from your face and you lean into my hand.  If only you knew what lie in store for tomorrow.  I have to betray you, and kill you.  I don't want to, though.  

            Father was gracious to let me experience love.  To meet you, know you.  Your angelic visage is burned into my mind, those gleaming sapphire orbs filled with adoration for me, and a light rouge coloring your cheeks.  And your blue moon smile, you give to me freely.  

            However, Father sent me to Earth for a single purpose: to destroy humanity.  I was to bring an end to all and make the planet born anew.  But now, now I'm not so sure.  I met you shortly after my arrival, and my resolve crumbled.  How can I destroy humanity if it means destroying you?

            I love you, but Father has already proclaimed my purpose.  I must leave tomorrow and kill you, all of you.  But part of me is telling me to stay, to deny my Father.  I don't want to hurt you.  I want to hold you, be with you for the rest of eternity.  I feel that I was born to meet you.  

            I remember when I told you I liked you.  We were in the public baths unwinding from a trying day.  The steam added the sense of a dreamscape, and I wondered if you would vanish when I stepped out to the lockers.  The lights had extinguished and it was time to leave.  I stood up and you averted your eyes from my body, red dying your whole face.  When I told you, you stared at the baby blue tiling, rubbing your hand over the step of the bath.  Then you looked up at me with your beautiful smile.  I knew you felt the same.

            I wrap my arms around you and hold you closer, the ivory blanket rustling as soft as your skin.  How long has it been since you allowed anyone to be this intimate with you?  The Major you live with? No.  She is your keeper and your friend.  You never opened up with her, never shared your feelings.

            You did with me.  When I was lying on the bed and we were arguing about why I should be on the ground since you were my guest.  You wouldn't hear of it, and we remained silent.  Then you opened your heart, your history to me.  It came so naturally, it scared you for a moment.  You rambled on for some time, apologizing for laying your burdens on me.  I didn't mind.  I like the sound of your voice, like Pachebal's Cannon in D it is forceful yet soft with a twinge of sorrow.  It's music to my heart.

            Music.  I serenaded you with Beethoven when we first met.  You were staring out at the waterfront talking to yourself.  You didn't see that I was already there, watching you.  Your body is small, but it's Venus every time I look upon it.  I stared for merely a minute, for you would notice me soon, and I did not wish to frighten you.  I looked at the blossom of tangerine light radiating from the declining sun and hummed Beethoven's "Ode to Joy."  You noticed me after that, your azure eyes locking with my ruby ones.  What was reflected in them was a glass soul about to shatter; it injured me to see such a precious child in pain. You seemed lost, neglected, almost like a puppy I had held once.  I smiled and introduced myself.  Blood rushed to your cheeks and you graced me with your smile for the first time.

            I don't want to lose that smile.  I want to smile with it, kiss it so it never vanishes.  I want to see how it moves when you play your cello, and if it would brighten when I accompanied you on my violin.  

            We were made to be a duet, you and I.  To serenade each other, be in each other's arms every night, like tonight.

            Again I remember my Father, and the destiny that He has laid before me.  What would happen if I defied Him? Would He kill me? Condemn my soul to Hell?  I would gladly take those punishments if it meant staying with you another day, even another hour.

            But what if my punishment was not to hurt me directly, but indirectly?   What if He punished you?  Condemned you?  I couldn't live with myself if that happened.  Or perhaps He would let you alone, let us be together, but destroy all you loved.  He would do that; He doesn't like those that go against His will.

            I cannot allow too much harm to come to you, my love.  My betrayal tomorrow will be the only pain I ever cause you.  But once you're dead, our souls can be together forever.

            I intertwine my fingers with yours, and you shift closer to me, your breath warm on my neck.  I watch you slumber, and again I question whether I can go through with it.  Can I kill this creature--my love?  Is it destiny that you must die and I the one who plunges the knife through your heart?

            Unless…  Yes.  That might work.  

I squeeze your hand, my alabaster skin contrasting with your warm peach tone.  

            I could argue with Him.  Many have opposed Him, but what if I asked His permission when I went to Him tomorrow?  He is generous at times.  Maybe He will change His plan.  I have never asked anything of Him before.  

            But what if He denies my request?  Shall I fall to the fiery depths of below watching my beloved suffer as the world ends?  I must have another plan.  I won't lose to Him or destiny.  I will find another way.

            What if…  

            I run my hand through your short chocolate locks and roll over slightly to face you.

            What if I died? Then I could not fulfill His purpose for me and would not kill you.  How though? I can't kill myself.  It is forbidden in His laws.  Though I may defy Him, to defy His law summons a fate worse than damnation.  

            So how do I die?  

            I close my eyes and rest my head against yours.  

            For you, a mortal, one not of my blood, I am willing to die so that you may live.  No matter what comes, eternal divinity or damnation, I am willing to die for you--my love.

            My eyes snap open.  My love.  That is the key.  If you killed me to stop the destruction, then I could meet you again when you die in Heaven.  But the injury that it will cause you.  If I do this, you'll never smile; never open up to anyone else.  But to save your life, I will do it.  Your friends will help you cope, but I know you'll never be the same.

            I note the time: twenty past two in the morning.  I must sleep some.  But when I awaken, I'll smile for you.  It's that image that I hope you remember: your love and not your betrayer.

            I'll make sure everyone is alerted to my presence tomorrow.  For I, Tabris, Angel of Free Will, have decided what must be done.  And may He have mercy on all the souls here for the chaos that will ensue my death.  Especially the soul I love.

            I close my eyes and sleep overtakes me.  My thoughts remain on you, my love, and your face smiles upon me in my dreams.  That is how I'll remember you.  Always.


End file.
